Boy, the year's already over, huh?
Sure was fast.
I hate how the years go by faster as we get older.
At this rate, by the time I'm an old geezer,
the years will pass at the speed of a Formula 1 car.
I've still got a long ways to go.
Well, I'm already up to Ben Johnson speed, I'd say.
My Ben Johnson is already up to here.
[Note: In Japanese, Ben also refers to Poop. So here Gin is referring to his incontinence.]
Don't get too cocky because you're all still young.
Your Ben Johnson will fall behind soon enough.
For real? Ben Johnson's gonna fall out?
[Note: Carl Lewis is a famous track and field athlete.]
I prefer Carl Lewis over Ben Johnson. He's cooler.
Well, all I'm saying is, we all had a pretty good year, right?
Hell no! It's still February! We still have eleven months left!
...Because this script was written in December.
That's right. Do you know how long it takes to make an anime?
When they make an anime, they should know the airdate!
They did. Like, at the end of the year, they closed out with a "group date,"
which reminded me of a year-end party.
On January 3rd, they thought the perfect episode would be "My first dream of the new year."
They really had a lot of ideas.
But the airdate schedules were completely messed up because of the Japan Series
and the New Year's special programs.
We don't need that kind of frank information.
Moreover, the show was supposed to finish after the second year,
so they planned BLEEP and BLEEP episodes,
a BLEEP version and a BLEEP story to make it to episode 100, the last show.
They carefully planned the whole series,
but now they say the show will be extending to a third year, so the story must be dragged on.
Give me a break, really.
The people who will suffer later are us and the detectives at the site.
[Note: Spoof of Cop TV shows. Older cops often say such a thing to youngsters.]
They don't understand anything.
"An anime isn't something that can be created in a meeting room."
[Note: Spoof of famous line from the Japanese film "Bayside Shakedown."]
It's made from the strange juices the animator squeezes out.
By the way, will this show enter a third year?
Is it all right to say something that important at this point in the series?
No problem.
Everyone would have known it in the next issue of the anime magazine, anyway...
Ah... I had hoped the show would be sorely missed and comments like
"We want to watch Gin-chan again!" would pour in,
[Note: Spoof of Reborn the manga/anime.]
so it would return to prime time a half year later, Reborn!
No way! Sounds like you're dreaming!
Until just recently, we were afraid the show was going to be canceled at any moment,
so how can we return to prime time? I really don't get what you're talking about!
I heard DVD sales are going pretty well.
It doesn't matter.
No matter how many DVDs are sold, not even a cent comes back to the show.
The production costs never increase.
Really... Aniplex entices people with unscrupulous cover designs on every DVD.
No, it's not that kind of cover.
And Gin-san please stop talking about money on the air.
Recently, you said, "Give us a budget, even if it's half of BLEEP,"
so the director of BLEEP, Director Mizushima, complained to us.
[Note: Seiji Mizushima is the director of "GUNDAM 00.]
It didn't mean BLEEP, but BLEEP.
It's so confusing because they bleep out everything.
All right, I'll correct them. It wasn't BLEEP, it was BLEEP.
Hey, it's the same thing if they use bleeps!
For all of those reasons, we can't just halt the show,
stock up enough episodes and then restart.
Therefore, the GinTama anime drags on for a third year.
Drags on?!
When a weekly manga series becomes a long-term animation,
it always encounters the same problem.
A twenty-page weekly manga and a thirty-minute anime show run at different speeds,
so the anime will eventually catch up to the manga.
Regardless, with this issue,
our predecessors took various measures to make their shows dragged on.
[What's this?]
[This is a repeat of the previous episode to use up time.]
The first way is to look back at the last episode.
At the beginning of the show,
repeat the last scene from the previous episode for about five minutes, so it drags on.
In some shows,
it takes more than ten minutes before the episode titles show up, which is amazing.
But basically GinTama is a self-contained show, so we can't do it that way.
Next is to insert flashbacks...
When two people face off in battle scenes and reach a deadlock,
an all-knowing old man appears.
And he says something like, "That's so and so, blah, blah, blah..."
[Replaying old scenes]
[Old man]
and replays old scenes for a long time.
In one anime,
the main characters never throw a punch at each other during the 30-minute show.
But GinTama isn't a battle manga. So we can't use that either.
But, GinTama created a way...
to drag on the episode that even its predecessors couldn't think of.
That would be...
That would be...?
That would be...
All right, five minutes have passed.
[The GinTama anime has amazingly entered its third year! Is it really okay to continue the show?]
[So the full show is coming up next. Sniper VS Gintoki Breakdown Battle.]
A long time ago, a strategist once said
that an excellent strategist who emerges victorious from a fight...
is nothing more than a big coward.
A cowardly man who is frightened by an unexpected situation...
and thus takes all possible precautions.
And he never starts a fight until the conditions are set up in his favor.
Really, what that guy said is totally right.
Thanks to that, I ended up in a really messy room for nearly three months.
However, it's about a strategist.
You can't win a fight by being cowardly.
There is one more thing you need to win a fight.
It's the bravery soldiers who charge a huge army have.
In other words, I, the lone wolf,
have to be a cowardly strategist as well as a brave soldier.
What a hardship.
It seems I have some talent as a strategist, but as a soldier, I seem to be worthless.
I've been doing this for 20 years, but my hand still shakes every time I go to work.
I always make elaborate plans and hide in a very safe place...
and only when the target appears, do I strike.
What I do, some people with foul mouths say I'm...
[COWARDLY AND DULL]
Cowardly and dull.
[COWARDLY AND DULL]
[YOU'RE LIKE...]
You're like...
[A TURTLE.]
Since that day, I've been called "Turtle the Sniper."
What an easygoing name.
Who would imagine that I'm the best assassin in Edo?
Right... Some say I'm the strongest assassin, but that's wrong.
I'm just the biggest coward in Edo.
The reason why I am so good at handling a dangerous weapon is
that I have neither the power nor the courage to beat my target to death barehanded.
And the reason why I never miss my target is that I'm afraid he'll
come back and take revenge.
The reason why I murder anyone for money is because I worry about retirement.
The target comes to the park on Sunday afternoons to walk his dog.
According to my information, he's someone who works for the Bakufu,
and that's enough for me.
All I have to do is wait for my hands to stop shaking.
And wait for my confidence to come out of its shell.
But...
...my hands won't stop shaking.
The man who appears before me isn't a cowardly strategist...
...nor a brave soldier, nor a target. He's...
["Be A Person Who Can See People's Strong Points And Not Their Weak Points"]
What's with this man?
Is he looking at me? Why is he looking at me?
It can't be that he knows I'm here...
No way.
The distance between the park and this spot is more than one hundred meters.
From that vantage point,
the muzzle of my gun should look no bigger than the eye of a needle.
No...
...he's looking! That man is definitely looking at me!
Kamekichi seems to have noticed there's something wrong
as I hear him moving around in the water tank behind me.
Kamekichi, it looks like I screwed up.
It took half a year, including preparation time,
until I could carry out this assassination.
I had many opportunities to get my target.
Nevertheless, the reason why I waited for so long
was to make sure my target is completely eliminated.
And above all I wanted to ensure my own safety.
Information leaks are impossible.
I didn't contact anyone and literally waited with bated breath in my shell.
And yet...
Why was there a leak?!
That man...must have figured out Matsudaira's assassination plan!
Since the plan's been discovered, there's no way Matsudaira will come to the park.
I should escape. However, my body won't move.
That man's piercing eyes won't let me.
My instincts sense a danger stronger than any I've felt before. This is really bad.
He's not an underling of Matsudaira's.
Perhaps he's a hired goon. No, he must be better than that.
Those eyes are the eyes of a beast...in search of blood and on the hunt for souls.
If I break eye contact for even an instant...
...I'll be killed.
He's smiling! In this situation... I'm pointing a gun and he's smiling?! What a man!
Provocation! He's provoking me. He seems to want to fight me one-on-one.
At this distance, there's no way he can use that wooden sword.
He must have some terrible hidden weapon.
From his smile, it looks like a bazooka...or a rocket launcher.
No, there's a possibility he might even be holding a nuclear missile.
If he shoots that kind of thing, I'm done for.
Oh, Oh! Really...
I unconsciously pulled the trigger.
It was my instincts from being a killer for so many years.
And because I'm a coward, my ability to sense danger...
is so strong that my body reacts instinctively before my brain can process it.
As if celebrating my victory,
I hear Kamekichi making noise in the water tank behind me.
Kamekichi, pray for him instead of celebrating for me.
A nosebleed?!
He has just a nosebleed after being shot?
Impossible! It was a rifle! He has a nosebleed after being shot by a rifle?
It's not like a dodge ball game in elementary school.
Bullets don't work against him! It's unbelievable. What a guy!
Against such a monster, I'll face more dangers than one could imagine.
I have to find a way to escape!
That's...a cop!
Impossible!
This is the person who was staring at me.
Were you peeking at her?
When did he call in reinforcements?
He didn't show any signs of contacting them at all.
No, I wasn't peeking.
Your nose is bleeding.
I wonder how he could do that...
[HELP]
That's! That bloodstain says, "HELP." Well, at least it looks like it.
What a guy!
Don't tell me he used his own nosebleed to call in reinforcements!
But if she leaves the curtains open that wide,
there's no way I can avoid seeing it, right? So I saw her.
That's enough. Come with us to the station.
What? Why?!
That's it! He's giving them some kind of order!
Excuse me. It's the Oedo Newspaper.
Are you subscribing to any newspapers?
How stupid!
Excuse me!
They are not from the newspaper!
This is... Does this mean my room is already surrounded by the enemy?!
How well prepared! In a situation like this, I can't escape!
Kamekichi seems to have noticed my anxiousness,
because he isn't making any sounds in the tank behind me.
Kamekichi, don't give up until the end!
The balcony!
Now that it's come to this, the only way I can escape is to jump down from the balcony.
No...
...Impossible! Wh-Why are there so many people here?!
All of a sudden... What the hell is going on?!
How could he gather so many people?!
Everyone looks so hostile and is staring at me!
Let me die!
Hey, you! What are you doing?! Don't be stupid!
"Don't be stupid"? You're telling me not to do anything "stupid"?
But no matter how I look at this situation...
It's impossible!
Do you want to die?! Don't move!
If I move, I'm done for. But if I don't move, I'm done for.
I'll come right over! Wait for me!
It doesn't matter if I hide in a shell, or come out... Death waits for me anyway.
Whether I die bravely or timidly.... No, as a killer, I don't have the right to choose.
I'm not sure if Kamekichi noticed my sentiment,
but he was crying in the water tank behind me...
Huh? Is he crying?
He's crying! Eggs!
I'm not sure if he knew what the name I gave him meant,
but in the water tank behind me, I noticed Kamekichi was actually a female.
[Note: Kamekichi is a male name.]
No... An assassin has no right to choose how he dies.
Then I shouldn't die. I'll live forever.
I've taken so many lives so timidly until now...
...but this time, in order to protect these new lives...
[I'LL BECOME A COWARD.]
When you think you can't win a fight, just run away.
Kamekichi, let's take a chance and jump to get
to the building on the other side!
My shaking stopped before I knew it.
We're almost there!
Almost...
He did it!
Great job!
She's been saved! Great! It's a miracle!
The man under her acted as a cushion!
I've never seen someone as brave as him!
Come on!
Hey, we need to move him right away. Let's help this brave man!
[Metropolitan Police Department]
Well...
In recognition of your brave actions,
we present to you this certificate of appreciation and a gift.
Bestowed by the Head of the Metropolitan Police, Katakuriko Matsudaira.
You did a great job.
Whatever...
The next episode... "Even A Hero Has Issues." Duwa!
[Note: "Duwa" is a spoof of how Ultraman always says "Shuwa" or "Shuwatch" before flying off.]
[February 14th is Valentine's Day. Gin-san and the others are excited.]
[A huge piece of chocolate fell from the sky, and the person who dropped it is a huge woman.]
Okay, next is the King Kong pair. Good luck!
Today's GinTama has ended.
Yeah, today's GinTama is over.
It's not finished yet! There's still five minutes left!
In a situation like this...
It's time to read comments from viewers!
What's with the "reading comments from viewers"?!
It's like it's not an anime show anymore!
You know, in "Satellite Anime Theater," they also read postcards from viewers.
[Note: Satellite Anime Theater anime shows are broadcasted on a NHK Broadcasting Satellite.]
This is not N(BLEEP)K! We're really in a rut!
[Note: Bleep covers up NHK (Nippon Hoso Kyokai aka Japan Broadcasting Corporation).]
All long-term JUMP anime get stuck in a rut.
Like BLEEP or BLEEP.
And if we don't take a breather once in a while, we won't last very long, you know?
Who needs to take a breather?
It's not taking a breather, just cutting corners.
Then let's start!
The first question is from Hanako Motoki-san from Toyama prefecture.
"Who cooks the meals at the Odd Jobs?
Is there anyone amongst the three who can cook decent food?"
Okay, I'll answer you.
We take turns.
Because Shinpachi lives with a sister like her,
he must of course be able to cook fairly well to survive.
Even though I, Gin-san, may not look it, I'm actually a very good cook.
I'm like the "Iron Chef."
And Kagura usually makes raw eggs on rice or rice with toppings.
That's like a meaningless question.
I can make chazuke, too.
[Note: Chazuke is hot green tea poured over toppings on rice.]
Well, the next question is from a person with the pen name STT Alpha-san.
"I have a question. It's about Shinpachi.
He looks like "the hopeless character with glasses who makes punch lines."
But he's pretty strong, isn't he? His house is actually a dojo...
Just, how strong is he?"
Okay, I'll answer you.
Shinpachi is very strong because
there're so many monsters around, but he doesn't look like it.
When I was in middle school, there was a kid named Kosuke-san,
who was the school gang leader and one year older than me.
Shinpachi is about three times stronger than him.
If there were three Kosuke-sans, seriously, no one would beat them.
Kosuke-san is really something.
Although Kosuke-san is a punk, his posture is very proper when he rides his bicycle.
He holds his back very straight. Kosuke-san is really something.
I don't get it! Who's Kosuke-san anyway?!
I don't know what you're talking about.
Shinpachi is only strong at saying the punch line.
He's basically a hopeless four-eyes.
Well, the next question is from Kudo-san from Aomori prefecture.
"In episode 58, Lavi shouted, "These things happen in war!!"
It looked like he was holding back tears, or was it just my imagination?
Well, it wasn't just my imagination.
Please answer like a man. Don't run away, Lavi."
He was crying. Well, I guess Lavi had many hardships.
It's like he was trying to convince himself
that there was nothing he could do about the war.
Well, I'm not Lavi, so I wouldn't really know.
Rather than saying I'm not Lavi, I'll say this anime isn't D.Gray-man!
[Note: D.Gray-man is an ongoing manga in JUMP]
It says it's addressed to D.Gray-man,
but this postcard came to us by mistake.
I'll make sure this postcard is delivered to D.Gray-man.
So Kudo-san, don't worry about it.
By the way, I guess you don't watch GinTama, do you?
You never thought your postcard would be read on this show.
We're really scraping bottom.
If this is the best we can come up with, we should just play Otsu-chan's song.
Oh, yeah! That's it!
So, we somehow managed.
No, no! We're really scraping bottom!
It's much better than dragging it on through the BLEEP and BLEEP.
Anyway, that was "Long-term Jump Anime is Hard."
That's not the title!
[Totally Naked GinTama]
I wonder if tonight's show was all right.
Well, I guess it was okay.
We're still on the air, by the way.
Really? Is it still on?
[So, we changed tonight's schedule. That was Totally Naked GinTama.]
[Starting next week, we'll get more serious. So please look forward to it.]